Where ever you are, I will be
I don’t like to be alone. Everywhere you go, you should always expect me to be there. Where you sit, I sit with you. No matter the size of the seat or chair, I always want to be curled against you. I don’t care if you are comfortable or not. I expect you to respond to my snuggles and wiggles and will take offense if you move or ignore me.
Barking is my way of Communicating
I don’t just bark because I am a dog and dogs bark. Listen to my bark because it’s my way of telling you of incoming dangers. I am always there to guard and protect you from any harm. You may not see the danger but trust me, there is danger everywhere. I may not be huge and strong but my voice is my weapon. My sense of smell, sight, and sound are sharper than yours, therefore pay attention to my bark.
Going outside to Pee when it is raining is a No!
I will not go out when it is raining and it is not that I am scared of the rain or I fear to wet my smooth. Have you ever thought of how it would feel to pee in the rain? I am sure you can imagine how uncomfortable it can be. I will try my best to hold it. Oops! I am really sorry about your mat but I could not hold it anymore.
Travelling will never be my favorite thing
The next time you are planning a road trip or a vacation, please do not include me. I prefer staying at home with the pet sitter snuggling on the coach. I promise you I will be on my best behavior. I will try to be kind to the pet sitter until you come back.
I Choose My Walk
When it comes to dog walks, I choose when and where to go. I will not walk if there is even a little drizzle in the air outside. I may look small but let me warn you, don’t attempt to drag me. I will dig my feet into the ground, stiffen my body, and resist your tug on the leash. You will look like a crown dragging me.
I Only Conform to the 3 Millisecond Rule
Anything that touches the floor becomes mine. It is my right to seat under your dining chair during dinner. Whether it is food, paper, pen or notebook; if it hits the ground it becomes mine.
I Choose the Time you go to Bed
I dictate your sleeping time and I think 11 pm is fine with me. No more late night TV shows or making attempts to take me outside. Always ensure you have given me my bedtime treat else, you will sleep at 3 AM.
I choose when to wake up
I am not a “morning person”, sorry I mean “morning dog” so don’t try to wake me up at 7 AM or even 8 AM. I know you will try to bribe me with food but unfortunately, your plan will fail since I have a sensitive digestive system.
Never Fart in My Presence
I may enjoy a lump of excrement from time to time but not human fart. I find it offensive when you fart in my presence. If you ever fart in my presence, I will treat you to a look of detest and storm out as a sign of being disgusted by your fart.
All your Visitors must have My Approval
All your visitors must get an approval from me, failure to which I will pee on their shoes and make it clear to them that they are not welcomed. If you ever sneak a visitor without seeking my approval, you will suffer the consequences. This is not negotiable.